Saturday, June 4, 2011


No, no...not THAT question, but close!

"So why aren't you married?"

Really? Do people honestly think about that question before it leaves their mouth? I'm assuming not.

I'm 27.5 (am i too old to count halves?) and still single. I'm not gonna lie, it gets harder being single as the years roll by. A majority of my close friends are married or in relationships, and they're starting to have kids. (Not that I'm wanting kids, but this means they can't hang out as much. BOO!) It gets a little lonely, but I'm not gonna waste my single years moping...I am totally enjoying my FREEDOM. I mean, hello...I get to spend my monies on TRAVEL!!!! I get to choose what I want to do on the weekends AND weeknights. I don't have to cook or clean for anyone, but I wouldn't mind having someone to cook and clean for me. (Do butlers do both??) I'm just enjoying what I have while I gots it.

Now I mentioned all my friends getting married, which means the pool of quality single men is dwindling. TRUST ME. D.W.I.N.D.L.I.N.G. Shew...I may sign up for the Bachelorette at this rate, but I'm sorry...Batman is getting kicked off the 1st night.

Let me tell you what fish I've caught in this tiny baby pool of men. A couple years ago I met this really nice guy at a Halloween party, and ended up chatting with him and giving him my number. (Did I mention I had pretty much polished off a bottle of vino by myself?) Well, a week later he had asked me out to see a movie with him.

MISTAKE #1: If you're going out with a girl for the 1st time don't ask her to a movie. Take her someplace you can talk to get to know her. It can be starbucks, but also make it look like you've done some research and take her to a citchy coffee shop or bar. It'll give you something fun to talk about during dead spots. (Which, hopefully, there won't be any.) I'm not a movie person, so I don't wanna spend 2+ hours awkwardly sitting in a theater with someone I don't really know. THEN I have to spend time talking to you after the movie. No thanks! (Don't worry, I know this is a personal problem and I WILL awkwardly sit with him and talk to him afterwards...especially if he's paying!)

Back to the date. Mr. Halloween picked me up from my house for our date, complimented me, and drove us to the theater. While we were looking for a parking space he asked me about my parents. I informed him that my father is a mechanic in which, Mr. H. replied, "WOW! I'm gonna have to ask your dad about my car when I meet him."


MISTAKE #2: Don't mention meeting parents on a first date. It may freak out your date and cause her to shut down for the rest of date. I don't need to elaborate on this point.

I'm pretty sure he realized his mistake, and tried to make it up but couldn't. I had checked out. I know I should have given him more of a chance, but, truthfully, we didn't have a whole lot in common. I had also gotten out of a semi-serious relationship and realized I wasn't ready to start dating. Now that I'm writing this I'm realizing that was the last real date I've been on. I've gone out with guys since then, but not in a: he calls, picks me up, pays, hug/kiss goodbye kind of date. Hmm...oh well.

This past fall I met a guy from LONDON, so naturally I gave him my digits. Well, he started texting me a lot, and I think he may have called me ONCE.

MISTAKE #3: Just CALL her! Guys...I know its 2011, but call her. Its fine to text her during the day, but at night call her.

Throughout out our textings I picked up on his habit of overusing the phrase, "LOL." LOL is code for Laugh Out Loud. Mr. London...are you really laughing out loud when you ask me how I am?

"How you doing? LOL!"

"I'm good, thanks. How are you?"

"I'm good. LOL! What r u doin?"

"I'm just chillin at home. What about you?"

"Same. LOL! :)"


"You should call me. LOL :)"

I'm pretty sure this is when I texted him back telling him I'm not looking for anything serious, and that I hope he has a nice time in the states. I mean, really, are you actually "laughing out loud" at the fact that you're sitting at home? Maybe I'm just boring, but I don't randomly start loudly laughing when I'm sitting at home. Secondly, if you have time to text me to call you, then shouldn't you just call me??? *Sigh.* I know I'm old fashion and probably have high expectations from a man, but I'm not gonna settle those expectations to be treated poorly by a man...just to be with someone.

MISTAKE #4: DO NOT use LOL if you're not actually laughing, and DO NOT use smiley face emoticons after your LOLs. Now my girlfriends tell me I shouldn't use "LOL :)" as a red flag, but I've had too many guys misuse this term.

I talked with another guy for a few months only to realize our 2 hour phone conversations (that's right...he called me instead of texting! BUT he did overuse "LOL :)") were really him just talking about HIMSELF.

MISTAKE #5: Guys, ask her querstions. If you really are interested in her then reciprocate her questions. If you're looking for a counselor, pay for one, or get a dog.

Last weekend I met this really neat musician at a Jamaican restaurant, and we ended up dancing and I gave him my number. (I'm feeling a little trampy for giving my digits to so many guys...thankfully that's all they're getting from me.) He most def used, "LOL :)", so I was a bit guarded when we met up for a movie a couple days later. (doubly guarded) Well, thankfully, we ended up skipping the movie and sitting at Mockingbird Station's Starbucks to chat. (Starbucks, lame. Mockingbird Station, awesome.) We did some reciprocation of questions, but he did most of the talking. He also didn't make much eye contact or seem very interested in getting to know me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt cuz he was exhausted from playing all weekend. I was trying to get some sort of interest out of him, so I stooped low and ditsfully commented on his HUGE biceps. I thought it would perk him up a bit...NOTHING.

Well, we decided to walk around Mockingbird Station a couple times, and then he walked me to my car. He started to perk up BECAUSE he wanted a smooch. I was beyond annoyed because it made me feel like all he wanted was some booty.

I haven't really talked or heard from Mr. Musician, but I did check out his music page. I had his music on in the background as I was working on my computer when I tuned in to a lyric,

"I could sop you up with a biscuit and take a bite of you."

LOL!!!!!! :)

Excuse me? Do what? I don't wanna talk bad about this guy cuz he seems to be a nice, hopeless romantic...but no thanks. I don't do biscuits and gravy.

There are plenty of other stories and mistakes I could share, but you should be able to find the answer to your above querstion.


  1. Preach it sista! Seriously made me laugh out loud but don't like LOL. Just read this out aloud to a group of girls (Amy included) and we had a good laugh!

  2. LOL :) For real!
    Love you, Tashies!!!

  3. LoL! What's wrong with biscuits? LoL! :) Hahah, too funny! This is definitely a re-post.

  4. I'm reading this from chaing mai in thailand and all i can think of is how i SO wish you would travel here. there are some cutie thai men! Also, the "LOL" thing is in FACT a red-flag! big time.LOVE YOU!

  5. Ha! Loved this post... in fact, it has inspired me to write up a post of my own detailing some of the lame-os I went out with.

    Loved seeing you last night... wish we could have spent more time chatting.